A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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