What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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