I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
