No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
