You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
