I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
