Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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