Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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