I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
