Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
