That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
