The maid of honor just puked.
I hate all girls vehemently.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
