this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
