She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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