i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
