the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
