They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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