You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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