i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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