i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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