Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Drake has all the answers
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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