Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
