Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ruined the universe
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize