i would punch a child for taco bell
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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