Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
