I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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