I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize