Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
