I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
