the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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