weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize