I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
