She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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