Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i will never coherently bang her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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