I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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