found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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