i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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