one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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