I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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