I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
