His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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