my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
