Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
