What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
