i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
