i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
