She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
