HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
