What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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