I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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