no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize