OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
