You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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