I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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