I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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