fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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