Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
