In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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