So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
The adults are the big ones right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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