He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
