so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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