Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
