dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
