Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
