I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
