Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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