i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
