I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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