Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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